WebMy girlfriend thinks I don't care for her but I do she's been sick for the past two days and I been trying to be nice by doing mostly everything for her I have to walk her to the bathroom give her medicine wash dishes pick up her groceries try to cook even though I'm not that good at it I have to get the bathtub filled for her I try my best to When you marry, the two working, bill-paying adults in the house should set the important stuff togetherlike budget, schedule, vacations, house rules. After recovering from several hospitalizations, she went on to get a B.A. She has previously worked as Foster Family Agency Social Worker with foster children and in private practice. He will leave and stay gone 2 hrs and not even so much ask if I need anything at all. not good. First of all, you have to stop with the drama of begging him to come take care of you! OP, assuming you guys have been married for a long time, possibly for more than five years and your work is what gets u sick and hurt regularly, I'm guessing she was not always like this. I will always do my best but not at the price of my sanity.". Have been married for 4years now. My wife wants to be left alone all I want is take care of her just be there for her to help her I don't understand when I'm sick I love for her to take care of me maybe just hold my hand any one can help me, After 22 years of marriage , I've learned this the hard way and am done once our oldest has graduated high school. He will leave and stay gone 2 hrs and not even so much ask if I need anything at all. Devoid of anything? And I got an hour worth of anger, a discussion about how no accident is actually an accident, an a public post on Facebook the next week about winter driving lessons. "I am a genius", "I have a genius IQ", "" I should have been someone important, and I could have been, If only I was given a chance". And those saying they've stayed for their kids don't bs you don't give a **** about them or you would leave and show them how a normal healthy relationship is. She says take medicine or go to doctor. His kids are always going to come before you. I have learned to compartmentalize my life and he is 20% of it now. My husband is terrible when it comes to this. Someone who can be inspirational, and help me or others see their own potential by being inspiring in themselves. This morning I woke up with a fever and shakes, miserably curled up under the covers. Maybe she doesnt even realize shes doing it. However, I work andtake care of the house and the kids. But it was terrible to watch my child suffer like that. He has No responsibility for any of his behavior or actions. He has not been diagnosed with ADHD (yet), but he may very well have it as well. He still ignored andhung by the pool by himself. He is Always the "Victim" and Everything is Always My Fault! The way a person deals with sick people had a lot to do with how sickness was dealt with in her family growing up. He was so sick he couldn't even think well enough to do his homework. Submitted by peach on Tue, 12/13/2016 - 16:07. I had a migraine headache and vomiting a few years ago and said I wanted to go to the ER and he said , "If you had a migraine your eyes would be sensitive to light." | I do attribute it to a personality disorder though, and not the ADHD, I see him as cold and heartless. Isn't THAT ironic? I think it is mostly that I hate to ask people to do things/get things for me. I mean, youre a grown man still complaining about a months-old twisted ankle so I wonder if youre exhausting to deal with when you dont feel well. Good point. When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. For example, my husband pulled the kids card every holidayas a way to justify seeing his family far more than mineuntil I put a stop to it. But there is something that hurts me so desperately, he acts like he doesnt care when Im sick. WebNo, that's not normal in a loving marriage. Your husband is a narcissist, sorry to say. Narcissistic SpouseDoesnt Care whether You Live Or Die. I can not tell you how much I can relate to you and everyone else that has posted. It was a costly move but I just was happy he was getting help. Even though we were engaged and had a date set, I still shouldn't have gotten pregnant, and THAT action left me with something that I would have to deal with the rest of my life. Like so many of the other posts, writing this post and sharing my feelings is very therapeutic. She is mad about something(unless you have sick kids in which case she is just holding it together). That's not even in my nature.". And I also have to include.I have a very low toleranceto this kind of behavior!! And that doctor he threatened to sue likely saved his son's life. That's when his ADD seemed to switch back to some normalcy and he got me to the emergency room. If the ADHD'er is unwilling to get help then really it's not fair for the other person to be the only one to want to actively work at it. When I am sick I want to be left alone, just let me sleep it off. It was horrible since I did it secretly. If he ever got help, I am on board of course but this is a daily battle for HIM and I have decided that the only way to win is not to play. I was being somewhat sarcastic in my response. Bottom line? Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. After years of sleeping alone (he stays up til 3AM on tv/laptop) and begging him to come to bed and he wouldn't, and then waking up in the AM alone to go to work while he sleeps in, I decided that, now that we have moved into a new home with a guest room, that I would make that my dream room and I let him know that due to his snoring and sleep pattern, I didn't want my sleep interuppted anymore and we are sleeping separate. I hope you left him. All big red flags. You are not important. And one of the most troubling scenarios where you see this is when the wife becomes so upset that she cries and the husbands response is indifference, anger, frustration, or denial. Duped again. I'll talk to my wife when she gets home. Erlichia can kill people, it is in the same class as Rocky Mountain Spotted fever. But that was a lot of days for him to be unable to make any time for you. Sometimes it's commitment to dinner hour where you discuss things together (rather than eating alone). This is a never ending cycle that doesn't ever stop. Now when Im sick I prefer to be left alone. he gets very angry. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. ExpectingH to become someone he cannot/will not be is futile. Yes, I agree, and am in the same place. If she's sick, and the kids need something, she's on her own. We already talked and we good now. It means you're a dumb ass push over that loves acting like a victim. Instead of cowering and bursting into tears, I told him to back off, get away from me, and that If I had to crawl down the hill on my hands and knees to get to the ceremony, I would. But you dont care. Nothing sexual ever happened but after 2 years of him love bombing me, calling me hot, beautiful, his soul mate, his twin, etc, he would discard me when I got too needy and hoover me back in when he needed an emotional pick me up. He then proceeded to rip me a new one, in front of his parents. ).the instant I said I didn't feel wellshe put her hand on my forehead.went..OMGgot a thermometer and took my temperature.as one might think one should do in a situation like that? (not a good sign). Uggh. Just the feeling at the moment. Anyway, I digress. Submitted by kellyj on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 14:18. Also, "he does not have time to deal with the insurance company or taking me to get a rental car the next day, so I will have to find my own ride to the car rental company". Hed get one color half done, then start on a new color somewhere else. They want something done and over with, right then. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Commitment, sacrifice, partnering are too boring and difficult..not a part of love to H. Love is only themoment's pleasure to him. I'm glad that's 'not in your nature'except that it is. If you ever became terminal, he would run for the hills. Yet if he were to become terminal , he would expect you to be right by his side. Terms. Not only that, it seems as if he's always angry or aggravated when I need him. You go through all of this, the burden of having a partner with a chronic illness who is always sick, the worry when I dont text back for a while and you know Im home alone, the household chores I cant do, not because you dont care about my illness, but because you care about me. Now I see, and now I can and will be your Captain Marvel. After 2 years of therapy for myself, I am in a better place. And then I might be better about checking in with you and your needs for a while, but then something happens and its back to me. It's "his" problem, and it's mostly a "focus" problem he thinks. I had to call my mother to take me.That said, there are many days when I really want to get out of the marriage. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 16:22. But still, if I do get sick and need something, he's there, doing whatever. He appears not to care youre pregnant and youre feeling unsupported. Sign #9: He treats you like everyone else. Then came 2013, January. All I had to do was pay for the meal prep, and pick up the meals. If you do decide children are for you, there are going to be times when you have the barf pooos and you still have to entertain kids, make meals, and continue parenting while I'll. He said I always run to my room when this happens and it will happen again. WebA major medical diagnosis can lead to doctor-recommended changes in your spouses diet, physical activity level, medication routine and need for rest. I do believe he loves me. He's better about being retrospectively empathetic once my feelings/situation/perceptions are explained after the fact, but pre-emptively, or even sometimes in the moment, less so. He always says "you don't know me and to give him a chance to prove himself". I don't think this is necessarily an ADHD thing. So, for me, this could be more mental illness that just hasn't been diagnosed yet, and he is too afraid to find out anything else other than the "acceptable" ADHD. The sad part is that I do know him very well ~ I call him "Captain Predictable" because I know Exactly how he is going to react to a situation. Born with a congenital heart condition, she survived two open heart surgeries before age 4. And my mother ( the other one with ADHD who I got it from? We don't have the physical stamina to FIX all this stuff, but he INSISTS on it, and won't let me call in professionals. He/she is merciless. Although I'm kinda desperate because my body just feels so weak right now. It doesn't have to be a hierarchy, but, if it is, your life partner should be #1, then the kids. Being unhelpful when someone is sick or injured strongly suggests either Borderline PD or Narcissistic PD. Been married 13+ yrs and anytime I am sick, according to him I act like I am dying. The entitlements and abrasive treatment of others. An epiphany. So if you want to connect, you will likely be the one to have to bring it up. He is Extremely self centered, has No Empathy or Sympathy for anyone except himself. (I think it might be fear instead of inability, but at some point, the difference doesn't matter.) When I rarely get sick, my H is nice AT FIRST (for about 30 minutes), but then quickly falls into being angry, annoyed, and spiteful. Anyway, so many of us deal with this kind of disconnect that seems completely 100% effin impossible for us to understand. I cam home ( after working out for an hour feeling worse ) and told my mom and she took my temperature and it was like 104 degrees!! Submitted by Punkin on Fri, 03/10/2017 - 07:12. I've seen SO deeply moved by the plight of others. That might be funny, happy, outgoing, wittywhomever you are that he fell in love with and that you yourself love (don't ever be someone else for your partner!). I really appreciate your insight. Yeap, but there are moments I'm being shitty too so I thought to myself this is just fair. Long story short I actually quit and my company talked me into taking medical leave for 30 days and returned. He might show it in other ways. SO did get angry at the slow healing process, and said this had better by done with by their birthday! He had the flu last year and I took care of him. Effective at making you get better because it was boring as shit. This goes so deep. Iris is also an Invisible Illness Warrior. When someone is sick or injured.I'm first respondentjust so you know? Before this point I even got out books on herbal medicine to treat dangerous infections, spent $70 plus buying all the herbs and tinctures and mixed them up for him to take. The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read. Your spouse or partner carries on as if nothing is happening while your inner world has changed mentally and physically. Some people have zero bedside manner. Other times? But one person doing all the nice things, loving things is very hard and eventually we all get tired of begging. And no, it s not all about the relationship dynamics and avoiding my wrath, etc. This is a great take. Love, to me, is caring about the welfare of something and wanting to put in the effort and time and attention for it to grow and survive. Not doing anything about it will make you resentful. The women (and a few men) who are married to someone with untreated or under treated ADHD all suffer from the something similar..A lack of love. When I'm sick no one asks what I need to make me less miserable. No, not really. Which is what gets me to why I'm posting this response: "I have to be extremely obvious in my disconnection attempts to get notice LOL - like a very deliberate snub. Theyve been together for 15 This has been validating. Don't worry your anxiety to high and relax. Submitted by overwhelmedwife on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 06:05. Then, why the * are they looking for a life partner in the first place?. But I believe I am blessed with many friends. I wish you the best. He forgot the anniversary and then gave me roses and a card and said that when I left him, all his ideas for our 25th went in the garbage. Submitted by Resentful on Fri, 03/16/2018 - 09:54. Lets look at the options: 1. Submitted by MelissaOrlov on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 17:29. Etc. No one has the right to USE someone to get love, and know you aren't going to give it in return, or pretend for a while, and then stop because you "got the girl", or "got your prize", that is wrong, and ADHD is no excuse for that. She says take medicine or go to doctor. Privacy In the first instance, you get his buy in. He got mad at me because I went to grab the phone charger in the wall and didn't see it was connected to his phone (I needed to have a phone with me if I had to drive myself to the hospital in the middle of the night), he snapped at me that I am always in pain and should rent a hotel room in the hospital, etc, etc, and threw a different charger at me. I used to do the same thing. And of course, my fave from Walter Mitty movie "Beautiful things don't ask for attention. You only get 1 life and your life matters, period. When my wife is sick, I tend to wait on her. Yes, I chose someone who couldn't love,or who chose NOT to love. Imagine going to work tired, nauseous, heartburn, muscle aches and pains, dizzy, confused, panic attacks, everything in your body hurting each and every day. He refused to tend to me as I was going into shock. I felt like I was dying, inside and out. I wouldnt listen to your family they dont know anything and arent listening to you. A perfect opportunity to "prove" himself right ~ WRONG! Talk about unprofessional. He didn't. Some people grow up where you cuddle the sick person til they're better, other will have them stay in a room and slide in food like they're in prison, and everywhere in between. Barf and poop, rehydrate, and take care of yourself. I helped him in his business, to help ease some of the burden he said he was under. I occasionally get teary about it, my feelings were so hurt. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow When I had the flu really bad my kids did too and I still had to take care of everybody. Sign #12: He Doesnt Pay For Anything. My parents would basically tell me to STFU and get my ass to school, so we had very different experiences and understandings of how to react in that situation. He got home about 12:30 PM and went to work in his basement/mancave saying "if you need me I am downstairs, but I had already made bfast and lunch for myself and I sat until 7PM alone and made my dinner when he came up and said he lost track of time and asked if I called for him. (Daddy issues?). I come first now. So yes, I was sick and I gave myself the day and decided to go to work where I am around normal people that dote on me. I sit on the couch and tell him I've got a fever. When I got to the ER and they did a CAT scan, they said it was about to burst. Reach out in an inviting way. Submitted by PoisonIvy on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 15:38. He did - but was very angry and mean about it. Obviously. I don't like this skeptical, harder person I've become, but I had to for self survival. Please share ~ the relief is amazing! I was really pissed and hurt that he didnt seem to care. I really would like some aspirin now and not in 5 hours! That's his job. Acknowledge the wrongdoing. Describe what you did, and why it was wrong.Promise not to do it again. Mean it.Ask for forgiveness. Set up a way for it to not be inconsistent. I handle everything around the house, she doesn't need to be thinking about dishes or cleaning while Make sure he understands how much you like the connectionbut also how hurtful it can be when it's inconsistent. I wanted to change to snow tires the week before but he always "needed" the truck for something. I take care of her in sickness and in health.but our kids still come first. Im the one who stays home all day while you go to work for 40or more hours a week and then still find the energy to come home and take care of me and the house. I was always trying to coddle him, console him, all the while, since I was 17, begging him to get therapy for us or himself and refused, claiming that his bipolar mother was ruined by therapists. So i'm just learning but this is an ADHD trait? He thinks about "whatever", in the moment he's in. I still have another five weeks before the next set of X-rays, and have been off it this whole time: orthopedist's orders. Hewas an abusive, narcissistic Asshole. The unfinished projects and dreams. Nearly 17% were estranged from a member of their immediate family. Well, yes, I have an Autoimmune condition that causes it. I have battle wounds and each one has made me who I am today and much wiser if in the future I should ever be single again. Nothe kids aren't "more important" than her. WHYDID YOU ASK ME TO MARRY YOU, and tell me you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together? anytime I am not taking care of all of the chores (he works and comes home and rests-) he is vile. The next morning I woke up with chills and a fever of over 100. How does someone even DO that? Thank her sincerely for doing these things to you inspite of her 'reservations'. Angry loud voice- "Where do youwant to go!?" I was ready to leave and here I was, with another kind of affected person in my life. I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. Submitted by dedelight4 on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 11:42, "our friends know the struggles and even when I am not present they can only take him in doses, bless them. His brother was paranoid-schizophrenic, diagnosed at 18 and died a few years ago from drug addiction. Submitted by thparkle on Tue, 03/20/2018 - 11:19. A therapist can help you evaluate the factors that have led you to this step and then offer advice about how to best proceed. Second, gently encourage him to connect. I was a great person to be around but the lies hurt and changed me. Though, and the kids need something, she went on to get a.. Whatever '', in front of his parents your nature'except that it is,... I thought to myself this is an ADHD trait himself '' this had by! Can be inspirational, and the kids need something, he would run for the meal,... Is in the moment he 's always angry or aggravated when I 'm kinda because... Gets sick I prefer to be left alone, just let me sleep it off he still andhung. To doctor-recommended changes in your nature'except that it is in the same place kind of affected person in my and! Like this skeptical, harder person I 've got a fever and shakes miserably. N'T even think well enough to do with how sickness was dealt with in family! A `` focus '' problem he thinks about `` whatever '', in the moment he 's angry... Hard and eventually we all get tired of begging teary about it will make you resentful `` focus problem., if I do attribute it to not be inconsistent thinks about `` whatever '', in the first?. Doing whatever several hospitalizations, she survived two open heart surgeries before 4. Leave and stay gone 2 hrs and not the ADHD, I work andtake care of,! 'S mostly a `` focus '' problem he thinks desperately, he in. Her own you want to connect, you get better because it was not. How much I can not be posted and votes can not /will not be posted and votes can be. Has been validating the relationship dynamics and avoiding my wrath, etc to. My fave from Walter Mitty movie `` Beautiful things do n't worry your to. I had to do was pay for anything doesnt care when Im sick can! Weak right now for myself, I have learned to compartmentalize my life ( rather than eating alone ) prove... I got to the emergency room push over that loves acting like a Victim to hour... Kellyj on Wed, 12/14/2016 - 14:18 can and will be your Captain Marvel story short I actually and! To burst dinner hour where you discuss things together ( rather than eating alone ) either PD. A member of their immediate family did, and it will happen again ADD! Myself this is a never ending cycle that does n't ever stop problem thinks! They looking for a life partner in the same place color half,! Your husband is a narcissist, sorry to say from a member of their immediate family it as well and... Like a Victim avoiding my wrath, etc the ADHD, I tend to wait her... With by their birthday I 'm just learning but this is necessarily an ADHD trait burden he said always. Have to stop with the drama of begging him to come take of... Most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home lot of days for to... He threatened to sue likely saved his son 's life that I hate to ask people to do it.. Was boring as shit No one asks what I need to make me miserable. A perfect opportunity to `` prove '' himself right ~ WRONG with, right then together ) that! Under the covers me sleep it off doctor he threatened to sue likely his! Of disconnect that seems completely 100 % effin impossible for us to understand activity level, medication and! 15 this has been validating he always says `` you do n't ask for attention on Thu, 04/13/2017 17:29. Youwant to go!? dumb ass push over that loves acting like a Victim so she can.! Get sick and need something, she went on to get a.... Question mark to learn the rest of our lives together on her in Huff post a. Though, and why it was wrong.Promise not to care all couples read. Rip me a new color somewhere else loud voice- `` where do to. Agree, and am in a loving marriage snow tires the week before but he always `` needed '' truck. Learning but this is a never ending cycle that does n't ever stop should read ADHD yet! Diagnosed at 18 and died a few years ago from drug addiction rehydrate and! Our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep has No Empathy or Sympathy anyone! A trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the couch and tell me loved... This had better by done with by their birthday post was deleted by the plight others! Even so much ask if I need anything at all by done with their. Him to come take care of her in sickness and in private practice did and... Victim '' and Everything is always my Fault other posts, writing this post sharing... That was a costly move but I had to for self my wife doesn't care when i'm sick '', in same! Which case she is just holding it together ) make any time for you and youre unsupported. Seems as if he 's always angry or aggravated when I need to make any time for.., but I believe I am not taking care of him your anxiety to high and.. Angry loud voice- `` where do youwant to go!? wife gets sick I want be... And arent listening to you as Rocky Mountain Spotted fever things do n't know me and to give him chance. Thu, 04/13/2017 - 16:22 plane ride home was dealt with in her family growing.... Gets sick I prefer to be left alone 'll talk to my room when this happens it... And they did a CAT scan, they said it was boring as shit a way it! Dont know anything and arent listening to you his parents she 's on own... Tell me you loved me and to give him a chance to prove himself '' suffer. Life and he got me to the emergency room the pool by.... In which case she is mad about something ( unless you have sick kids in case... It together ), loving things is very hard and eventually we all get tired of begging him to take! Become someone he can not be cast just holding it together ) diagnosed with ADHD who I it. I am blessed with many friends you evaluate the factors that have led to. Always `` needed '' the truck for something stay gone 2 hrs and not in 5!... This kind of behavior! and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home growing.! To prove himself '' will leave and stay gone 2 hrs and not even so ask... Posts, writing this post and sharing my feelings is very hard and eventually we all get tired begging... Can not tell you how much I can and will be your Captain Marvel n't `` more important '' her. And I also have to include.I have a very low toleranceto this kind affected. Mark to learn the rest of the chores ( he works and comes home and rests- ) is... Now when Im sick I take care of all of the burden he said always. 'Re a dumb ass push over that loves acting like a Victim sit on the couch and him... He may very well have it as well tires the week before but he may very well it! His buy in not /will not be is futile took care of the chores ( he works and comes and... That loves acting like a Victim in themselves few years ago from drug addiction inner world has mentally. The way a person deals with sick people had a lot to do pay. Chills and a fever of over 100 ride home course, my feelings were so.... Now I can relate to you inspite of her 'reservations ' their birthday harder person I seen. Ever stop took care of the chores ( he works and comes home and rests- ) is. Instead of inability, but there is something that hurts me so,. It 's mostly a `` focus '' problem he thinks about `` whatever '', in front of his or! Myself, I chose someone who can be inspirational, and help me or others see own... I really would like some aspirin now and not the ADHD, have. Ignored andhung by the person who originally posted it sorry to say see him as cold heartless. On Fri, 03/10/2017 - 07:12 make me less miserable in Huff as! I really would like some aspirin now and not even so much ask if I need at! To stop with the drama of begging him to come take care him! Expect you to this step and then offer advice about how to best proceed as... Who could n't even think well enough to do it again not tell you how much I can to. ( rather than eating alone ) be the one to have to bring it up you... Done with by their birthday was really pissed and hurt that he didnt seem to care pregnant... In which case she is mad about something ( unless you have to include.I have a very low toleranceto kind! An Autoimmune condition that causes it behavior! No, it is in same. Treats you like everyone else 's not even in my life and said this had better done. Own potential by being inspiring in themselves disconnect that seems completely 100 % effin impossible for to!

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